Cats, Dogs and Vegetables
by WriteChristineR
Summary: Written for the OLC ficathon. Prompt was to include a reference to a classic 80's Molly Ringwald movie, a stupid unfunny pun that the pun giver finds hilarious, someone being poked, and Patty/Babette/Both.


Cats, Dogs and Vegetables

It didn't start out much different from any other day. Lorelai sat at the counter in the diner drinking her coffee. Luke stood behind the counter alternately serving customers and trying to convince her that coffee was evil. Patty and Babette sat in a corner talking, the sheer volume of their voices enough to counteract the subtlety of their seating choice.

As he often did, Kirk walked in and sat down at the counter. He chose a seat directly beside Lorelai's.

Today more than usual, Lorelai wasn't in the mood to deal with Kirk. She hadn't talked to Rory at all in almost three days, and the last time they'd spoken had only been for a few minutes because Rory had had to attend a press conference. On top of that, Lorelai was organizing a huge wedding at the inn, and Sookie's baby was due any day. She was trying to find a fill-in, and the interview process was long and grueling, plus Lorelai knew that when Sookie left, her own workload would almost double. As a result of this, Lorelai's stress level was high and her tolerance level low.

Apparently, Kirk was either unaware of this or unconcerned by it. From where he sat, he twisted his neck in ways that would have impressed your average contortionist, trying, without subtlety, to catch Lorelai's eye.

She skillfully ignored him, concentrating on her coffee.

Kirk bobbed in his seat, hoping she'd be intrigued by his rapidly changing height.

Still ignoring him, and looking for an excuse to look in the opposite direction, Lorelai called, "Luke, can I get a doughnut?"

"Just a minute," he yelled back from where he stood at the cash register.

Lorelai turned her attention back to her coffee. Although already mixed, she gave it a stir and watched the brown liquid swirl around the inside of the mug. She missed Rory.

A sharp poke on the shoulder spurred her from her trance-like state. She spun around so fast that Kirk nearly fell off his stool. "Ow!" she complained, more annoyed than she should have been. "Kirk, what?"

Kirk quickly rid his face of surprise in favor of a look that Lorelai assumed he thought was coy. "Hey, hot stuff," he said, attempting to wink, but squinting his left eye almost shut an instant after his right eye closed.

Lorelai halfway suppressed a cruel laugh. "Luke, hurry up with that doughnut!"

"I like a girl that knows how to eat." Kirk rapidly raised and lowered his eyebrows.

Luke walked over and placed Lorelai's doughnut in front of her. "I thought you said you weren't hungry."

She shrugged. "Changed my mind."

Luke shook his head, and turned to Kirk. "What do you want, Kirk?"

Rather than turning to fact Luke, he kept his gaze firmly planted on Lorelai. "I want a sweet piece of love."

Before Lorelai could say anything, Luke interrupted, a repulsed look on his face. "Aw, Kirk! Take it somewhere else!"

Kirk looked confused. "Take what somewhere else?"

"_Go_ somewhere else!"

"Where?"

"_Anywhere_."

"Fine." Kirk got up, looked around dramatically, and went to sit at a corner booth on the other side of the diner.

Luke rolled his eyes. "That wasn't exactly what I meant," he said to Lorelai.

"That's okay, you got him away from me for now. Thanks for that."

"Next time I'm going to throw something at him."

"Ah, don't hurt Kirk. He's relatively harmless."

"I guess."

"He'll drive you crazy, though."

"That I know."

Luke walked across the diner to take an order, and Lorelai was left to drink her coffee in relative peace. But, as was the norm in Stars Hollow, it didn't last long.

"Didja hear about Kirk, doll?" Babette said, making her way toward Lorelai.

"What about him?"

Miss Patty closed in on Lorelai's other side. "Oh, you mean you haven't heard?"

"I'm very low on the gossip food chain, I'm learning."

"Well then, we'll have to catch you up."

"Or maybe we'll just eat her!" Babette said, turning to Patty.

Miss Patty looked at her friend blankly. Lorelai half-smiled, shaking her head.

Babette laughed. "Get it? Because it's the food chain?" She laughed again, clearly impressed with herself. "Aw, forget it."

"Right," Miss Patty continued, "Kirk and Lulu had a fight."

"Okay?" Lorelai said, not seeing the point. "They've fought before."

"But this was a big one," Babette insisted. "Kirk thinks it'll end them."

Lorelai couldn't help but smile. "Oh." Kirk's more-bizarre-than-usual antics were starting to make just a glimmer of sense. And that glimmer was all one could really hope for from Kirk. "What did they fight about?"

Patty lowered her eyes as she spoke, her tone grave. "Lulu wants to get a cat."

"I see."

"And Kirk is convinced cats are evil," Babette put in. "And after Cat Kirk, who could blame him?"

"Mmm," Lorelai said, knowingly. "Well, thank you ladies for the info, as always."

"No problem, Suga."

"We're happy to help."

Babette and Miss Patty walked out of the diner, once again leaving Lorelai alone with her thoughts for a precious moment. Luke was refilling a coffee cup on the other side of the diner. She watched him, contented, taking in everything from the cap she'd bought him to the blue flannel shirt he wore so often to the jeans he was wearing and the way his butt looked in 

them. After everything they'd both gone through, they were finally together. And nothing was going to mess it up this time. Nothing.

She smiled as she reflected on Luke's expression when Kirk had flirted with her. Had it been jealousy? Could Luke actually have been jealous of Kirk? She discounted that possibility. It was more like rage. He could see that Kirk was bugging her, and he didn't like to see her bugged. It might have been a little protective of him, but it was nice. She appreciated it.

As she stared in his direction, a tall figure appeared in her periphery. _Not again._

She turned slowly to face Kirk, against her better judgment.

"Lorelai, I'm sorry," he began.

She nodded, acknowledging his apology. _Off to a better start this time._

"It occurred to me that perhaps I was a little forward before. But I think you should know—I'm not over you."

She took a deep breath, preparing herself for the conversation to come. "What do you mean you're not over me, Kirk? We never had a relationship to begin with."

"Yes we did," he argued. "Remember when I asked you out a few years ago?"

She sighed. She should have realized the incident would come back to haunt her. "I remember, Kirk, but we never actually went out."

"I think that was the problem," he said with a confessional tone. "I never had any closure."

"You don't need closure on something that never existed to begin with, Kirk."

"Well, I think I do. Will you go out on a date with me?"

"God, you're like that kid from _Sixteen Candles_. Farmer Ted." She realized after she'd said it that it had sounded mean, but it was what she'd thought of, and she couldn't have resisted the reference.

Instead of being insulted, Kirk looked pleased. "You're my Samantha Baker," he countered.

"But at the end of the movie, Samantha ends up with Jake Ryan."

"Yes, but that's not until after they hang out in the car and she gives him her underwear." Kirk looked hopeful.

"Forget it," Lorelai said flatly. "Why don't you just talk to Lulu? Maybe you can convince her to get a dog instead."

"You think I haven't already tried that? I've tried everything! She won't listen! It's time for me to move on."

"Well, find someone else to move on to. I already have my Jake Ryan." She inclined her head toward Luke, who was now over at the cash register handing someone their change.

Kirk was surprised. "Luke? Really? Again?"

"You didn't know? Wow. I guess I'm higher on the gossip food chain than someone."

"Well, I thought he seemed a little hostile when he told me to go somewhere else, but I figured he was just being Luke."

Lorelai smiled, but before she could respond the sound of the bells above the diner door caused them both to turn. Lulu walked in, carrying a small, furry animal.

"See!" Kirk fumed. "I told you she wouldn't listen! She got one of those ferocious little creatures!"

Lulu walked over to where Lorelai and Kirk sat, smiling. "Kirk, I have someone I want you to meet."

Kirk pouted. "I refuse to meet something that wants to claw me to death."

She laughed. "I think you'll be okay." She adjusted her arms, and a tiny white Yorkshire Terrier was visible. There was a pink bow in her hair. "Meet Kulu. That's Kirk and Lulu combined."

As if on cue, the puppy leaped forward and licked Kirk's cheek.

"See? She likes you!"

Kirk looked at Lorelai gravely. "I'm sorry, Lorelai, but I think I've found my true Samantha."

Lulu was confused. "No, it's not Samantha, Kirk. It's Kulu. It's really not that hard to remember."

Kirk smiled. "Forget it."

"Hey! What are you doing, Kirk? No dogs in here!" Luke emerged from behind the counter, fuming.

Kirk turned toward the entrance, his face full of terror. "We're going! Come on, Lulu. And Kulu." He laughed. "Lulu and Kulu. Let's go."

They left the diner, leaving Luke shaking his head. "Lulu and _Kulu_?" he asked, face expressing an emotion somewhere between horror and amusement.

Lorelai smiled. "Aren't you happy I named my dog Paul Anka?"

He raised his eyebrows. "At this moment, yes."

She sipped her coffee. "I really need to get to the inn. I'll see you tonight, though?"

"You will."

"We should watch a movie."

He shrugged. "Sure. Which one?"

Lorelai smiled. "_Sixteen Candles_."

Luke sighed. "Fine, but if you get to make me watch a chick flick, I get to make you eat something healthy."

She raised her eyebrows. "And what might that be?"

"It's a surprise. You like surprises."

"Fine," she agreed, "but nothing green. Or orange. Or… yellow."

"I told you, it's a surprise."

Lorelai sighed. "I really have to get to the inn. Just know that if you make me eat anything overly bizarre tonight I will reciprocate by making you watch _Pretty in Pink_, _Dirty Dancing_, and _The Notebook_ all on the same night."

Before he could respond, she was out the door. She knew she had another stressful day at the inn ahead of her. Still, though, she was happy. Vegetables or no, she was looking forward to that night.


End file.
